It sounds like a racist joke...
The whole thing does. You'll see. I'd just like to preface this blog with a minor point, that sometimes stereotypes exist because they are true. And funny. Really funny.
Background: A few weeks ago, Lori and I were sitting around her apartment when we heard what sounded to me like rednecks celebrating the fourth...a loud bang followed by some smaller pops (for those of you unfamiliar with the sport of bottle rocket skeet shooting, I suggest you stay that way). I thought the transformer had blown, and went to the window to take a look. It had, but the reason for it was that an elderly Asian woman had careened her car, somewhat improbably, into the power pole in the parking lot. I went down to speak with the cop, who told me that she apparently was, and I quote, "Terrified of cats" had seen a cat, and this had enticed her to crash her car into the pole. I gathered that this was the translation provided by her son-in-law, who himself looked somewhat incredulous as he stared at the damage to what was probably his car.
I didn't think much of it at the time, except that I found it terribly amusing that an elderly Asian woman was taken out by a cat. It seemed horribly stereotypical peotic justice.
This morning the second chapter in the story dropped onto Lori's doorstep. I woke to the sound of screeching tires and crunching metal. I grabbed for my glasses, and looked out the window. I saw a small four door, red, missing a hubcap, probably NH plates, probably a woman driver, on the curb. It had pushed a white volvo (I assumed) down the hill somewhat by running in to it. It then drove off. From the other room, Lori had seen pretty much the same thing. We called the cops.
So when the officer showed up, we went downstairs. It was Officer G. Murphy, the same cop who I had spoken with before. He is a Northeastern Irish Catholic cop, shaved head, big guy, who was obviously upset at having to come out at 7:30 in the morning to this neighborhood again. He probably just left Dunkin' Donuts in a hurry to make it there. I swear he still had powdered sugar on his lip.
What's interesting is that immediately after giving Officer Murphy the acknowledgement nod, I happened to glance down the block. The car that had hit the volvo had returned, missing hubcap and all. It was sitting about 10 feet away from me. So the acknowledgement nod turned into surprie, shock, and the "stage-face-pointing-finger-there's-the-villain" look. Yeah, that one. It comes up a lot.
Officer Murphy ran over to the car, which started to pull away, causing him to rap on the window sharply.
Off. M. : Stop the car. Stop the car! Stay in the car!
Driver: No understandu engrish
Off.M :You have got to be kidding me.
Yes, it was our famous Elderly Asian terror, marching like the Golden Horde over any german made car that stood in her path. A sort of capitalist car terrorist, or industrial saboteur on a personal, neighborhood level. I don't think I've ever seen a flush of anger crawl up a man's face so quickly. After telling her to park over on the side of the road, he turned to Lori and me and said, " You don't think she's going to stop, do you?" Then zoomed all of 100 ft after her in his cruiser, lights flashing.
It was strange, watching the drama unfold. My first realization is that the show Cops is more realistic than I ever dreamed. The Cop is furious, but somewhat astounded by the stupidity of his criminal, who is incoherent at best. The son-in-law appeared, sans shirt. Of course. And the daughter stood by, wringing her hands.
This, by the way, has to be my favorite exchange.
Off. M. : Is someone going to make sure she doesn't drive anymore? She could have killed someone.
Daughter: She can't drive.
Off. M. : THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!!
At this point, dear readers, he actually locked himself in his cruiser, I think for the safety of all nearby.
So yeah, demmed furriners.
Avoid the Red Baroness. That's all I have to say.
peace
Brian
Background: A few weeks ago, Lori and I were sitting around her apartment when we heard what sounded to me like rednecks celebrating the fourth...a loud bang followed by some smaller pops (for those of you unfamiliar with the sport of bottle rocket skeet shooting, I suggest you stay that way). I thought the transformer had blown, and went to the window to take a look. It had, but the reason for it was that an elderly Asian woman had careened her car, somewhat improbably, into the power pole in the parking lot. I went down to speak with the cop, who told me that she apparently was, and I quote, "Terrified of cats" had seen a cat, and this had enticed her to crash her car into the pole. I gathered that this was the translation provided by her son-in-law, who himself looked somewhat incredulous as he stared at the damage to what was probably his car.
I didn't think much of it at the time, except that I found it terribly amusing that an elderly Asian woman was taken out by a cat. It seemed horribly stereotypical peotic justice.
This morning the second chapter in the story dropped onto Lori's doorstep. I woke to the sound of screeching tires and crunching metal. I grabbed for my glasses, and looked out the window. I saw a small four door, red, missing a hubcap, probably NH plates, probably a woman driver, on the curb. It had pushed a white volvo (I assumed) down the hill somewhat by running in to it. It then drove off. From the other room, Lori had seen pretty much the same thing. We called the cops.
So when the officer showed up, we went downstairs. It was Officer G. Murphy, the same cop who I had spoken with before. He is a Northeastern Irish Catholic cop, shaved head, big guy, who was obviously upset at having to come out at 7:30 in the morning to this neighborhood again. He probably just left Dunkin' Donuts in a hurry to make it there. I swear he still had powdered sugar on his lip.
What's interesting is that immediately after giving Officer Murphy the acknowledgement nod, I happened to glance down the block. The car that had hit the volvo had returned, missing hubcap and all. It was sitting about 10 feet away from me. So the acknowledgement nod turned into surprie, shock, and the "stage-face-pointing-finger-there's-the-villain" look. Yeah, that one. It comes up a lot.
Officer Murphy ran over to the car, which started to pull away, causing him to rap on the window sharply.
Off. M. : Stop the car. Stop the car! Stay in the car!
Driver: No understandu engrish
Off.M :You have got to be kidding me.
Yes, it was our famous Elderly Asian terror, marching like the Golden Horde over any german made car that stood in her path. A sort of capitalist car terrorist, or industrial saboteur on a personal, neighborhood level. I don't think I've ever seen a flush of anger crawl up a man's face so quickly. After telling her to park over on the side of the road, he turned to Lori and me and said, " You don't think she's going to stop, do you?" Then zoomed all of 100 ft after her in his cruiser, lights flashing.
It was strange, watching the drama unfold. My first realization is that the show Cops is more realistic than I ever dreamed. The Cop is furious, but somewhat astounded by the stupidity of his criminal, who is incoherent at best. The son-in-law appeared, sans shirt. Of course. And the daughter stood by, wringing her hands.
This, by the way, has to be my favorite exchange.
Off. M. : Is someone going to make sure she doesn't drive anymore? She could have killed someone.
Daughter: She can't drive.
Off. M. : THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!!
At this point, dear readers, he actually locked himself in his cruiser, I think for the safety of all nearby.
So yeah, demmed furriners.
Avoid the Red Baroness. That's all I have to say.
peace
Brian
posted by Brian Wilkins at 2:54 PM
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